哇，又是无所事事的一天。

哇，又是无所事事的一天。

此刻老家的乡下春末夏初，正是一年里最宜人的时节。窗外蝉鸣未至，微风裹挟着草木清香，若能永远停驻在这样的日子里该多好——不必为生计奔波，可支配零花钱足够支撑起嘴馋与些许喜好，在现在的节点下，连时间都完全属于自己任意支配的东西。一年前改造后实质属于自己的房间里堆满多年来记忆下的物什们，未起工的项目，还有钟爱的角色的棉花娃娃与周边。手中握着性能优良的手机、旁边放着配置良好的笔记本电脑，平板的触屏笔在备忘录上随意勾勒，相比前几年前亦或者十几年前的生活来讲，有着多么的不真实感与不配得感。似乎十八岁的时光仿佛永远不会溜走。

Wow, yet another day of drifting through nothingness.

It’s that magical in-between season back home in the countryside right now—late spring shading into early summer, the most temperate time of the year. The cicadas haven’t started their racket yet, and the breeze carries the fresh, green scent of growing things through the window. Sometimes I daydream about freezing time right here: no hustling for money, just enough disposable income to satisfy cravings and indulge small obsessions. At this moment, time itself feels like a luxury I can squander however I want. My room, renovated last year into a space truly my own, is cluttered with relics of bygone eras—half-finished projects, plushes of beloved characters, random memorabilia. I scroll through my high-end phone, glance at my well-spec’d laptop sitting nearby, idly sketch on my tablet with the stylus. Compared to life just a few years ago—or even a decade back—this feels surreal, almost like I don’t deserve such comfort. It’s as if I’ve been stuck in an 18-year-old’s limbo, time suspended indefinitely.

但实际于现实的重量在肩头。从三千公里外的东北回到南方已46天，专业知识的缺口亟待填补，杂七杂八的社会需求的学习计划还未启动，尚未痊愈的心理疾病仍在观察期。在这看似自由的间隙里，我又不得不为充满变数的未来积蓄力量。

互联网让世界触手可及，却也带来微妙的社交困境：那些在上世纪不可能仅靠社交媒体维系的"弱关系"充斥着手机屏幕，透过精心包装的生活碎片，既让我窥见他人的精彩，又在心底泛起自我怀疑的涟漪。看着屏幕里众人展示的光鲜日常，难免陷入当下是否在浪费青春的困惑。这些剪不断理还乱的思绪，缠绵悱恻，挥之不去。

But the weight of reality bears down hard. It’s been 46 days since I returned to the South from Northeast China, a 3,000-kilometer journey. There’s a gaping hole in my professional knowledge that needs filling, a laundry list of practical skills I should be learning, and my mental health is still on shaky ground—under observation, not yet healed. This period of apparent freedom is actually just a respite, a chance to stockpile strength for an unpredictable future.

The internet shrinks the world to the size of a smartphone screen, but it also creates these strange social paradoxes. Those "weak connections" that would’ve fizzled out decades ago now thrive in my feed, curated highlights of others’ lives. Scrolling through polished moments of joy and success, I feel a twinge of envy mixed with self-doubt. Am I wasting my youth by doing… this? Just existing, adrift in this sea of nothingness? These thoughts twist around each other, a tangled mess I can’t seem to unravel.